1. |
Hold Out Your Hand
03:22
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Hold out your hands, I’ve got a bullet and feather
Hold out your hands, I’ve got a gun and a dove
And I’ve got a feeling one flies faster than the other
And I’ve got a feeling one needs a little love
And I know one is grey and the other
Is the colour of the clouds that make the rain come
I’ve been looking for God, I’ve been looking under rocks
The scales have fallen from my eyes
I’ve been looking for God, I’ve got a question or two to put to him
And I don’t think he’s got the answers that I want
Hold out your hands, I want to see your fingers
I want to know exactly how deep you’ve been digging
Were you looking for gold? Were your diamonds stacking up?
Did you ever think to quit when you first struck blood?
{Chorus}
I don’t think my prayers are working
I never learnt to get on my knees for that
And I don’t think that God can hear me
Above the riot we’re all making
Hold out your hands, I’ve got a bullet and a feather
Hold out your hands, I’ve got a gun and a dove
I know one costs more than the other
And I know for some cost equals worth
And I know one is doomed
And our obsession with the other will cost the earth
{Chorus}
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2. |
Hope is an Animal
04:21
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My love is reading my poetry, I’m trying not to read his face
It isn’t fair for me to ask him what he thinks of it
It’s just my heart upon the page
And it’s been so long since I got a single word out of myself
Like I’ve been keeping secrets from my hands
My love is on the bathroom floor, he’s been drinking without me
I was too busy being haunted by the ghosts of my life before him
And his fever needs breaking, and I need holding in
My love pushes the bedsheets from him down onto the ground
I could not bear to leave the window open, I was scared of falling out
And his fever needs starving, and I need holding in
But I don’t need your sympathy but I’m begging for it anyway
Rage is not the opposite of love
And I am trying to be kinder than what I’ve overcome
My love is speaking in tongues, but I know just what he means
I am whispering my love to him and my kisses are sealing it in
My fever is raging, it’s the rage I’m holding in
And I don’t need these stones but I’m carrying them anyway
Hope is an animal that I have to keep warm
And I was built from stronger stuff than the sand I’m standing on
I don’t need your sympathy but I’m begging for it anyway
Rage is not, it’s not the opposite of love
And I am trying to be kinder than what I’ve overcome
I don’t need these stones
Hope is an animal
And I was built from stronger stuff
So I am trying to be kinder
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3. |
Cardboard Box
02:51
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There’s a box of packing materials
In the middle of my living room floor
Guess what? I didn’t order it and I don’t know who sent it
And it feels a little like a cosmic joke
How much worry can fit in a cardboard box
Twelve by ten by eight?
And how much does it cost to send a cardboard box
Carrying so much weight?
The irony is the amount of space it takes up
On my living room floor
I have to step around it, it’s getting in the way
I really didn’t need the metaphor
How much guilt can fit in a cardboard box
Six by five by three?
And how much does it cost to send a cardboard box
Quite that heavy?
There’s a box of packing materials
In the middle of my living room floor
Guess what? I didn’t order it and frankly I don’t want it
Would you please collect it if it’s yours?
How much anger can fit in a cardboard box
Two by two by two?
If I could get it all to fit, even if I could post it
Who would I send it to?
There’s a box of packing materials
In the middle of my living room floor
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4. |
Long Halls
07:19
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When I dream, I picture myself walking long, long halls
The sun has set, everyone I love is safe, every door I come to is closed
They tell us broken boys are beautiful, they will be mended with gold
Touch their scars like ribbons, they are as soft as me on a bad day
My feet make no sound, my breath is silent, in – out – slow
My hands are heavy, I carry more than I can bear, there is the smell of smoke in the air
They tell us broken girls are easy targets, better dancers, try a little harder
They tell us broken girls grow up to be mothers, slaves to one power or another
I reach a crossroads, the sun is rising in the east, a shadow stands behind me
I could turn to face it, I could turn to see a mirror, I could raise my heavy hands
They tell us broken boys grow up to be lovers, or die while they are still pretty
They tell us broken girls never grow up to be women, stay fractured, never whole
I start running, I hear footsteps behind me, slow but gaining ground
I shake my fists, I am too heavy, the halls go on and on and on and on and on
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5. |
Valley (A Love Song)
05:40
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You’ve got Eliot on the phone, he says he knows how you've been feeling
How you’re infinitely gentle even when you're suffering
I look out of the library window, I see the room reflected back
The steam from my tea reveals words on the cold glass
The valley tempts me downwards, but the train will take me home
You are the only thing pulling me north
Cause’ I don't know where I’ve been, but I’ve been away so long
Out of love, out of my mind, getting good at getting it wrong
{Chorus}
I know I’ve been too much, too many times
A point on a map drawn over and over
No man is a city, except for mine
Kiss me beneath constellations
I have made you my destination
No man is an island, except for mine
Fall in love with me again
Oh, let’s be frantic like the first time
Fall in love with me again
Oh, let’s be frantic like the last time
There are things I’ll never say, there are fears I’ll never speak
Like how you may wake up in the middle of the night to look at me
And not see a woman that you love, just some woman that you know
I can’t pretend that isn’t how these stories sometimes go
{Chorus}
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6. |
This Love
04:38
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I used to wonder where you were when you were looking out the door
I used to wonder what it takes to bring a man like you home
I can’t be quiet like an empty house, but I used to try
I can’t be cold like an empty house, but I used to try
We’re all figuring out what it means to come home
We’re all figuring out what it means to be loved
And I don’t know how much love you can take
But I’ve got so much more to give
I don’t know how much love I can take
But don’t stop now you know I’m not going to break
Cause the world is quiet like an empty house without you
The world is cold like an empty house without you
And there is only poetry in the things that make me cry
The blue is not confined to the sky
The world is quiet like an empty house without you
I still wonder where you are when you’re looking out the door
But now I know just what it takes to bring a man like you home
It doesn’t take a lot to know what’s going on in my mind
You read me like a book and I’m glad you never took your time
And I don’t know if there’s a limit to the love that you can take
But I’ve got so much more to give
And I don’t know if there’s a limit to the love that I can take
But don’t stop now you know I’m not going to break
Cause this love fills up all the little spaces
All the little nooks, all the little crevices
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7. |
Beautiful Things
06:16
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You and your beautiful things
You and your beautiful eyes
You and your music
No stranger to beauty
You and your beautiful things
You and your beautiful hands
You, pouring the drinks
As the universe expands
I wish I could hold onto the gentle in you
To remind you that it’s there
The night you sang to me as I slept
You have never been as beautiful as then
You and your beautiful things
You and your beautiful skin
You and your art
No stranger to beauty
I wish I could hold onto the gentle in you
To remind you that it’s there
This world would have you throw it all away
You and your beautiful things
You and your beautiful heart
There’s nothing between you and the air
No wall between you and the world
I wish I could hold onto the gentle
I could hold onto the sweetness
I could hold onto the kindness in you
To remind you that it’s there
I wish I could hold onto the gentle in you
To remind you that it’s yours
That it’s yours
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8. |
Hopeful Twin
04:45
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That hopeful little twin of mine
That hopeful twin of mine
Everyday we wake up at the same time
But only one of us can get out of bed on the right side
She wears a lot of masks that twin of mine
She knows exactly what you like
And she’s such a fucking teacher’s pet
And that really makes me sick
Because she really thinks that she can change the world
With one good deed at a time
But what she doesn’t know is how little I care
Or how much I can hold her back
Cause if you really cared about her
You would show her all of her mistakes
And if you really cared about her
You’d prove how cynical the world really is
And if you really cared about her
You’d show her how little difference her choices make
And if you really cared about her
You would take all of her guilt
You’d take it all away
That hopeful little twin of mine
Naïve to a fault
You know she really thinks that love can save a life
Or that good things come to those who wait
And if you really cared about her, you would put her straight
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9. |
I Think You Think
03:14
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I think you changed when you fell in love
I think you lost some of your pain
I think you wore your pain like a badge of honour
I think you think it gave you strength
I think you hated her for making you happy
A sad young man is far more intriguing
Your poetry lost all of its sadness
You made do with smiles instead of weeping
I think you left her so you could wallow in regret
I think you clawed back some of your pain
I think you wore it like a blanket, like a shroud
I think you know it made you weak
I think your art may take a darker turn
I think that you might even sell a few originals
I think you’ll stop washing the paint from your hands
I think you’ll start smoking again
I think you’ll shout at your mother
You’ll say she does not understand
I think you’ll lay all of the blame with your father
You always do, every chance you ever get
I think you’ll live angry and alone
You’ll never love to the same extent of your soul
I think she’ll be okay, I think she’ll love again
Better than you
I think you changed when you fell in love
I think you lost some of your pain
I think you wore it like a badge of honour
I think you think it gave you strength
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10. |
The Two-Chord Song
03:42
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Four out of twenty-six ain’t bad
This could be a list of my favourite words
Today I am pulling apart my notebooks
I’m looking for the poems that got stuck between the pages
Today I am poetry in a two-chord melody
Cause I’m a fuck up in a dress, yeah I’m your best friend at best
At worst I could be a friend with benefits, without that many benefits really
I’m more a hindrance to your inner peace
And I came too late for Beat Happening
They’d already beat happened
And I came too late for The Mouldy Peaches
They’d already been composted
And I was always too tall
To be the cute one in the squad
And I was always too loud
To be the quiet one you’d have to watch out for
Cause I’m a fuck up in a dress
Yeah I’m your best friend at best
At worst I could be a friend with benefits
Without that many benefits really
I’m a hindrance to a good night’s sleep
And how many constellations do I have to get tattooed on my body
Before I’m a lot less like a woman and a lot more like the night sky?
And how many lyrics do I have to get tattooed on my skin
Before I’m a lot less like a woman and a lot more like a playlist?
Cause I’m a fuck up in a dress, yeah I’m your best friend at best
At worst I could be a friend with benefits, can’t think of any of the benefits really
I’m a hindrance to your inner peace
Four out of twenty-six ain’t bad
This has been a list of my favourite things
Today I am poetry in a two-chord melody
I am the poems that got stuck between the pages
I’m a lot less like a woman and a lot more like the moon
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Alix Alixandra Newcastle Upon Tyne, UK
North-East based singer-songwriter. Accompanies herself on ukulele and guitar. Sings about love, life, politics, and cardboard boxes.
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